I am down to 3 weeks left. Less than a month. I can hardly believe we'll be holding this newest member of our family, very very soon. One thing that has been so different about this pregnancy compared to my other pregnancies has been my lack of focusing on labor. Every other pregnancy I've done lots of reading and research, pondering and worrying. Part of that may be because with my other pregnancies I had to make a decision about a care provider each time. Here's what I mean:
First pregnancy (Millie) - We chose to give birth in a hospital, attended by a certified nurse midwife (recommended by my sister). Considered, might even say we had planned, for a water birth. I worried SO much about labor. Would I be able to handle it? Just how bad would it be? It was pretty tough, but I did handle it. Was not impressed with the water, so no water birth for me. But we had a good, natural labor and delivery, and it boosted my confidence that I could indeed labor drug-free.
Second pregnancy (Silas) - With this pregnancy we had moved to a new city, and I needed to find a new care provider. I did quite a bit of research and decided that homebirth would be a great option for me. We used a practice of doctors that attended homebirths in our area. Once it was time for the birth, the doctor didn't make it in time, though a nurse was here. I had been a little nervous about a homebirth. Would everything go okay? But it was fine, and I loved getting to labor and give birth in the comfort of my own home.
Third pregnancy (Isaac) - We weren't too thrilled by our experience with the practice of doctors for Silas' birth, so we started researching again. There were very few other options for homebirth attendants in our area at that time, but finally we settled on a direct-entry midwife. Really enjoyed getting to know her over the course of my pregnancy. Isaac's birth was fairly uneventful, though the pushing phase was more painful compared to my other births.
This pregnancy (number four!) - So here I am a few weeks away from labor. Of course there's some apprehension anticipating the pain. I honestly haven't given it too much thought, and so far I haven't picked up a single book related to pregnancy or labor (even though I have some favorites!) There are probably several reasons - feeling busy, or just procrastinating. In some ways it feels like I just gave birth to Isaac yesterday. And this birth will be in the exact same place, with all the same people. So there's the feeling that I've done this, I know what I'm doing, I know how to work through labor. I have a lot of confidence in my body, and confidence that my midwife is capable and knowledgeable. I know that just because I've had three straightforward, complication-free births doesn't mean I'm guaranteed another. But in some ways I guess it feels like I've worked through all the worries before, and re-hashing them won't really help anything.
So that's where I'm at right now. Our midwife is actually coming to our home tomorrow for a visit and little check-up. Maybe that will help get me thinking more about getting ready for this birth, because I probably need to spend some time thinking about it.
