Sleeping with Baby

Napping with newborn Millie

We have shared a bed with all three of our children, beginning from day one with our first baby. To us, this arrangement made a lot of sense and felt very natural. Because "co-sleeping" has been a major part of our parenting experience, and is actually the way that most babies in most parts of the world spend their nights, I'm always a little surprised to come across those who think the only "right" place for a baby to sleep is in a crib. Yet that is the prevailing view here in the U.S.

About a year ago I was up late watching the local news (not something we usually do) when I saw a segment about "solving your baby's sleep problems". I was very curious to see what the slant would be, and unfortunately it was quite disappointing. They had a sleep "expert" who was ready to help a mother and baby; the goal was to get the baby to sleep by himself in a crib. When they did the interview with the mom, she explained that her baby didn't sleep very well. With much embarrassment and shame, she admitted that in desperation she had brought her baby to bed to sleep with her, because she was so exhausted and that was the only way she'd been able to get her baby to sleep, and to get much-needed sleep herself. The mom admitted that she knew what she was doing was "wrong", but that she was at a loss as to what else she could do.

Hearing this mother speak left me so incredibly frustrated, both for her, and for the message our culture sends to moms. This was a news segment for a major station in Chicagoland, putting out the idea that sleeping with your baby is bad, and is somehow a problem to solve. I don't expect everyone to share a bed with their baby. It doesn't work for every family (even some families who would very much like to co-sleep). And that's okay. But co-sleeping has worked wonderfully for our family, and here are some of the benefits we've found:

More sleep for mom. If you're nursing, there's no need to get up and feed the baby. Middle-of-the-night feedings can happen without mom ever needing to get out of bed or fully wake up.

Assurance that baby is okay. I can't sleep unless I can easily make sure my baby is breathing. I also feel better knowing that if baby is sick in the middle of the night, I will attend to her needs immediately, and not discover the problem in the morning. And in the winter, it's easy for me to make sure that baby is nice and warm all night.

Bonding with baby. There's not much better than snuggling up with your baby at night, and getting to see his angelic face before you go to sleep. Lately I've gotten to hear Isaac giggle in his sleep, and even clap and say "yay!" while still asleep; I'm glad he's in our bed and I get to experience these sweet moments.

Where baby should sleep is a decision for each individual family to make. And when done safely, co-sleeping can be a wonderful way for everyone in the family to get plenty of sleep. No mom should ever feel bad about bringing her baby to bed with her; quite the opposite in fact, as sharing a bed with baby has many wonderful benefits, for both mom and baby.

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If you're interested in more of the nitty-gritty research about the science of co-sleeping, you can visit the site for the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame.

This post is linked to:

Works for Me Wednesday